Finding myself grateful tonight for people and a savior who can see and value me as I am, broken. All my life, I've wanted to be the best at something. Just one thing. I didn't think it was too much to ask. And I've tried really, really hard at a few different things.
I tried for a long time to be the best basketball player. I tried to be the best at graphic design. I tried to be the best at blogging. I tried to be the best at cooking.
Guess what? I'm not the best. And guess what else? I'm not meant to be the best.
In fact, I'm meant to be flawed, to not quite ever reach my full potential. I'm mean to rely on the only one who can make me complete, and even then, I'll never experience perfection in this life. I'm trying to unlearn 25 years of striving to work hardest and achieve what I feel is "success," and learn new lessons about grace, balance, peace and the real meaning of success in God's eyes.
It's a hard lesson and I'm not "the best" at learning it. But tonight, I'm grateful for the people who can point me in the right direction. And for a savior who is carrying me when I just can't even try to be the best at anything right now.
10 comments:
You are the very BEST Kali in the world, though :-)
I've been there before... cycles of it that seem never ending at times. Putting pressure on myself to be the best and never achieving the unrealistic expectations I lay on my own shoulders, only to find myself in a dark, lonely place when reality hits me. - over and over. And at the same time, God is teaching me new lessons and old ones without wanting to give me a beat down. He is loving me constantly with no end, the gifts he gave only to me - even if I can't see them myself. Thanks for this post today :)
I think the years 20-30 reveals a lot of this about us.
i love this. so right on. and so much of what i feel, too.
Thanks girls. Power to the imperfect! :)
You're awesome. My husband and I enjoy life being pretty okay at whatever. We talk about it sll the time. :) We get to enjoy all aspects in life instead of focusing in on one thing. There's my two bits you didn't ask for. Hahaha. "Moderation in all things.' Totally my motto.
You frequently communicate what I wish I could. You're an encouraging person Kali. Thank you for being open and honest online and for sharing with us :)
Well said ... and at age 46 ... let me tell you something - this attitude will serve you well. You are gonna be just fine, sweet gal - you already have the key to it all - Jesus
I understand you completely. I call it finding my "normal" right now - I am grieving the loss of something that was never really mine to begin with - and it is hard to accept. I have still not let go of the striving all the way - I am a work in progress. I am glad Jesus will not give up on me. All my love in Him.
Oh, wow. I totally get this. I'm the classic perfectionist and tend to quit (or simply not try) things that I know I'm not "the best" at.
It feels good to take a step back and realize that you can just be "good enough", eh? :) Refreshing, really.
Hugs, m'dear!
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