In the in-betweens.

You know what I've been thinking about lately? Semi-related to my desire to shut myself up in a book, get absorbed in a movie or float away into a TV show. How art imitates life, and life imitates art. You may be thinking, "um, duh." But let me explain.

So many movies are made, books are written, songs are composed, paintings are painted, to express, to capture what life is like. More often than not what specific emotions, experiences, circumstances are like. To show truth, beauty, passion, courage, love, sacrifice. To show off the best of our human natures, and also the worst. So often, a movie is a real "zooming-in" on a specific experience. A war movie zooms in on the courage or horror that a solider experiences. A romantic comedy zooms in on the process of falling in love. Hardly ever does a movie, book, etc. capture an entire lifetime. An entire span of human experiences, personal growth and changes, is not only hard to contain, but can even be considered "boring."

Because the truth is...so much of life is the in-betweens.

And it's really been driving me nuts lately how the art we've created to express what our lives/emotions/experiences are like- the art that can only capture a moment, a feeling or an experience- has suddenly flipped into the standard for what our lives are supposed to be like. Especially with relationships.

Because of love scenes in books/movies, I had a pretty distorted expectation for marriage. I thought my wedding day was supposed to be the most glorious day of my life, that our honeymoon would be pure bliss and that married life would be hard, sure, but I didn't realize just how much work it would be on an everyday basis. And I know I'm not alone. Romantic comedies tend to lead up to a big, glorious wedding or moving into together, and end with a happily ever after once "I do's" are said. They cover events such as weddings, proposals, childbirth with a perfect, glossy, warm-fuzzy perspective most of the time.

They don't talk about the ebbing and flowing, the going from a burning romance to a warm, glowy love, through the hard times and back again. They can't represent the sweet satisfaction gained from little every day victories, the trust that you work so hard for and moments when that courtship flame reignites for just a short while. They also don't talk about the occasional loneliness, resentment, doubt and anger that pop up in that happily ever after you signed up for. They can't explain that life, while periodically thrilling and exciting, is mostly lived in the in-betweeens. In the everydays. Not in the short, powerful moments, but in the long, routine hours that make up most of our lives.

And that the trick isn't waiting for and holding on to those fleeting moments that come every now and then, but learning to appreciate and enjoy the "big picture" of things.

I say all of this with a disclaimer: I've always had a hard time with this. Despite my tendency to have a hard time living in those moments when they come, I tend to look back (or forward) and romanticize life events. I looked forward to our wedding for so long, and though it was perfect and we had a great time, it didn't live up to the hype I had set up for it. It's taken me almost three years to process the real meaning of that day and the truth that it was really just an orientation to our married life.

Knowing this about myself, and being in a transition period currently, I'm trying so hard to stop my brain from jumping ahead, daydreaming about yielding very large knives, and focus on the beauty of my everyday life. Of my 50 minute commute, of my lunch getting to know new co-workers, of my soon-to-be-non-existent weeknight evenings with friends and my husband.

I'm trying to remember that my life is good, in the good moments and in the bad, but especially in the in-betweens.