Since this is my very own super-de-duper honest space, I've got to be honest with you guys. I'm feeling a little burned out. I'm tired of taking photos of myself every morning, I'm tired of thinking of things to post about and I'm tired of spending hours contemplating my own personal style. I'm tired of padding my wish list full of items that I'll never be able to buy, sick of scouring eBay for items I can't afford and stressed out from scrambling to make up for not sticking to my monthly clothes budget. I feel like I've been pouring myself into things that aren't fulfilling me in any way.
For about a year or so, I've been struggling a bit. I've been generally unhappy, confused about what to do with my life and frustrated with not knowing what to do. Often during this time, I've used clothes/fashion as a means to distract myself or cure my boredom with life. As much as I think there is something wonderful and beautiful about fashion, styling, shopping, etc., in many many people's lives, it creates unhealthy habits and immense amounts of debt. And a lot of times it all boils down to not feeling good enough. And so it has been the case with me.
I'm not saying I'm going to stop shopping, stop blogging or stop writing about fashion. It's still one of my main and favorite interests. I'm not saying I'm quitting the 30-for-30 challenge or that I'm going to stop taking outfit photos. I'm not saying I don't still want to be a stylist when I grow up. I'm just want to be honest with you guys and I want to find and develop the areas of my life that really do matter. Like the fact that we think we may have found a church. I want to have a healthy relationship with clothes and fashion and I want to build up a hefty nest egg in my savings so that I can do things like travel to Paris and Ireland with my fantastic husband.
I hope that it's okay for me to share these things here, I know a lot of you come here for the clothes, reviews and not so much reflect-y goodness, but I have to hope somewhere deep down that some of you come here for a little bit of me. And I hope that some of you understand where I'm at. Thanks for letting me bare my soul a little bit. And, here's to a healthy relationship with the clothes we all love so much! Cheers!
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48 comments:
I come here for a big bit of you. :) Thanks for your honesty!
I appreciate your candor and thank you for sharing so openly. I love anthro and j crew and all the related blogs, including yours. However, the blogs I like the best are the ones where the author reveals more of herself than how she puts an outfit together. I like your style, and I am also interested in getting to know more about the woman with the great style!
I personally think this is better than any style post. You have to stay true to yourself. I am a baby blogger, but I was fortunate enough to have someone tell me that I need to keep myself in my blog, no one else.
I appreciate the honesty and beauty of this post.
:)
I come here for you. The clothes are just a bonus. An unnecessary bonus. Being honest takes guts so good for you! I have every faith you will figure it out.
Well, I don't really know you and I don't really know what I come here for (except I do really like seeing your new blog headers) ... but I want to encourage you in this line of thinking. Take it from me... going into debt or over spending on clothes and furnishings and a whole bunch of stuff that is not eternal can get you into a whole butt-load of trouble. I know. I've unfortunately been there and may still be digging myself out... 10 years later.
It is good to learn, deeply, truths of verses such as this: Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord shall be praised. We're all a work in progress.
I come here for you Kaleigha. You have an honesty and candor about your posts, whatever they may be. It's actually refreshing to know that there's more to you than clothes. Don't get me wrong. I love clothes as much as the next gal, but there's definitely a balance to be found. I'll happily continue visiting your site however it may evolve :)
Me too (what Cat said). =) I totally understand feeling overwhelmed with all the wanting of clothes and the not needing of all the clothes I'm wanting. It's a bad place to be. Sometimes, we all need a break from it.
I think if you're keeping it real, other areas of your life are bound to enter your blog. Even if it was launched in the spirit of sharing fashion. Yeah, be true to yourself and share what you like. Honesty is a good thing & you'll probably help others to a lil' introspection w/this post as well. :-)
LJ's first day of fifth grade is tomorrow, and her outfit's all laid out: skinny jeans, crinkly boots, long necklace, and shirt "designed" by some teenage pop singer. She's been having a grand time scouring nearby thrift shops for back to school wear, all the while maintaining that "you just don't know anything about fashion, Mom!"
Tonight as I tucked her in, she got another little dig in (she's quite clever, and we both enjoy these exchanges - she feels empowered by her fashion acumen, and I'll take any opportunity to make points about the gender roles and the role of fashion in the unequal distribution of power and privilege in society).
I explained that I express myself in my apparel choices just as legitimately as she does, even if I eschew fads and logos and make many of my own clothes.
I am proud of the way that she's developing and expressing her personality through her clothes and accessories! I can't quite identify the source of her fashion influences, but she doesn't seem to look just like anyone else and she comes up with pretty darn cute outfits most of the time. That's about all a mother of a ten year old can hope for, these days!
Anyway, Kali, I send you good wishes in your search for authenticity! May your clothing reflect your truest and best self, may your purchases remain within your budget, and may your personality develop along with your wardrobe.
(Ooh! I would love to hear your reflections on how we maintain our personality traits, just as we maintain our wardrobes! I know my wardrobe has a LOT of garments I don't wear, don't need, or that doesn't really fit right ... I bet there are some uncomfortable analogies to personality traits/habits ...)
<3 Happy writing! <3
I want to ditto practically everything you said. That's how I've felt this past year, the only difference is you have not copped out like me, so even more props to you! You are a strong woman, keep it up and pray, pray, pray!
It's nice being able to see the "real you." :)
http://meganerbele.blogspot.com
http://myattemptsatfashion.blogspot.com
you go, girl. i love your honesty and purity. keep up being you, and don't worry about the blog.
I echo what Cat and Carol said. I enjoy reading the anthro themed blogs for the reviews but I like getting to know each blogger a little better with each new post too so your honesty is great and nothing to be ashamed of or worried about! We all love clothes but they just aren't worth getting into debt over. From what I've seen you could save all your money for Paris and Ireland and go there looking fabulous in the clothes you own right now : )
Ive been seeing this more and more lately...people forgetting WHY they really started their blogs....its not about the clothes, the $...or the followers..its about YOU, and how you feel blogging and posting, etc....Ive made it a habit to NEVER buy anything that I wouldnt have normally bought before my blog....it keeps me in check...as wish lists can GROW beyond belief very quickly.......:(
Good luck to you..thank you for your honesty....
Statements in Fashion
I'm delurking to say thanks for your honesty. I really I enjoy your blog and fashion blogs in general (I don't have one myself) - I always tend to follow blogs like yours that are honest, inspiring, remix items they have, don't encourage gross spending on clothes and stay true to themselves. I hope you find what makes you happy :) Good luck :)
Hey Kaleigha,
I loved reading what goes on your mind. It is always the best to be true to yourself, and it was nice to share this with us. I think I got to know you a little bit better, now. And I like that.
Just do what makes you happy. I hope you can change things, so you feel better!
Lady, this is your blog and you can do with it what you like!
While I think you have wonderful style and have started following you for your great outfits, I'd still follow you through your other interests and ponderings as well!
While it's this little blogee community is a great niche to talk fashion, we all have a ton of other interests as well, and it'd be great to hear about yours!
Kaleigha, I'm so glad to have clicked on your post today because what you wrote is exactly what I've been thinking about for the last few weeks. I really mean it, and have been thinking about all the energy that's put into clothes, blogging, checking up on what everyone else is posting/buying/reviewing, and really feel like it's kind of taken over unnaturally.
I enjoy your outfits and the way you put things together, keep it up if it brings you happiness, but it's ultimately about you. Whether you post outfits on a blog or not, you're always going to be you- fabulous!!
I've always been a fan of the posts that let others see the real you! Not only do you have great style, but you also have a way with words. And being human means we aren't perfect and it's nice to see someone being honest with themselves & others! Thank you Kaleigha!
haha, i hit this wall about 3 months ago. I was sooo tired of posting/scouring ebay as well and stopped looking at antrho's sale items every tuesday. :) It actually has been SUPER freeing. I spend WAY less time on the computer and more time with my kids. (sad I know), but true. I love fashion too, but I have built a more healthy habit of only looking when I have "spend money" (which is never since we are on a SUPER tight budget), but....it helps. Anyway, great to read this. I don't think readers will care if you change directions on your blog all together, if that's what you want. Your a great writer, not just a great dresser. Tell me more about your new church!!! :)
kel
I completely understand this post and kuddos to you for posting about it! I feel and felt the exact same way many times and you have been blogging for way longer than me so I feel your pain. Last night I was dumbfounded staring at my computer screen for at least 30 minutes before I started to write my post for today...even hubs noticed I had "writer's block". Good luck and glad to know someone else sometimes feels the same way I do!
http://www.afashionfixation.blogspot.com
You have a great personality, that's why I read your blog.
The best way to cut back on spending is to not go to the Anthro website or store! (although that might not be possible) I would say to make a list of clothing items you NEED rather than want, this way you only get what's necessary. Then when you see something you can say "do I really need this?"
I've found a lot of good items through thrift stores, garage sales and Target.
I've been reading (not so much commenting though) since you got married. I really love your style and fashion posts. I do miss reading more about your fun and frustrating times as a newlywed and homeowner. You seem to be such a lovely person, and I'll keep reading no matter what you write about. I understand the confusion on what you want to do with your life. I'm 28 and still have those feelings. It took me awhile to be happy with what I had. It will happen. Just keep swimming... :)
I love this post! Someone who feels like I do! I burnt out quickly on the buying, acquiring, always having a running "want" list and going here and there to get the "must have". So done. I think you are so wise to realize it early on and not go into debt and use your money for things that make lasting and meaningful memories. Nothing is worse than money stress! Doesn't mean we don't love clothes and fashion, just more balance. That is great that you have found a church. The only thing that has lasting importance in this life is how we live for Christ! Thanks for a wonderful, honest post.
I know exactly what your talking about.I distract myself with clothes shopping as well.Luckily my husband recognizes that and helps me get focused again on important things ;) It great you found a church! You are darling and I would read your blog with OOTD or not :)
Luke 12:22 Then Jesus said to his disciples: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. 23Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes.
Luke 23:34 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
I love this post, thanks for sharing your candid, honest thoughts!
I'm sorry that you're feeling so burnt out! I think it happens to everyone from time to time and taking a break can help a lot. Sometimes just walking away for a bit can remind why you started this project in the first place and rejuvenate. I'm always distressed when I read that anyone feels the need to "keep up" with spending, or buying new things, or want lists, or whatever. I think you have a fabulous fashion sense and I don't care if you're wearing the latest and greatest, some item from the back of your closet or if you repeat an item! I come here because I like reading what you have to say. :)
I know exactly how you feel. You basically stated everything I have been feeling. I have a sewing blog and I am debating not posting anymore because it makes me feel the pressure to produce sewn items regularly. It also takes the fun out of it a little. I had also been considering a fashion blog to showcase my daily outfits, but I pretty much decided not to do that since I know I will feel the pressure to "keep up". I am very competitive and I know that I would let that take over.
I appreciate you being so honest about this. I went through a phase for a couple of months where I was completely happy with my wardrobe and did not have any desire to buy anything new. It really was a wonderful feeling. It was during this time that I was not reading fashion blogs so much. However, I have started back reading them and have now spent about $200 this month. I really did not need any of this that I ordered, but I caved into it because I felt the need to be as stylish as the people on these blogs (people I don't even know).
I'm actually really glad that you said all this! This is pretty much the exact way that I have been feeling and it is all pretty overwhelming. It's nice to know that I am not the only one!
I love reading your posts and I know that I will continue to love reading them because of things like this, because you have a lot of great things to say. Thank you so much for such an honest post!
Ah, I feel what you are saying Kaleigha. Sometimes I too need a break from everything bloggy -- if you don't step back once in a while it can turn into a spiral of consumption that wastes both time, space and money. Honestly, I think I need a break right now too! I have things to post about, but...I just can't muster up the energy this week. I've been feeling guilty about it, but your post helped remind me -- this is my hobby, it's not an obligation! And there are other things that are slightly more rewarding going on in my life that I could stand to concentrate on instead :)
you know whats funny? I wrote my post yesterday (added pics and posted today) about the same kind of thing- seem's we are on the same wavelength lol! I can't agree more that while this community is fun and wonderful, we get the 'want' and 'buy' urges from here too. I have made a commitment to myself to enjoy the other bloggers outfits- and use for inspiration- and also to ignore the urge to buy every pretty thing I see. I WILL survive without that gorgeous top, those killer boots, etc! see my post if you'd like to read :)
I just love you. More than tator tots, even.
I love watching this space grow and change as you do. That's what life (and arguably what blogging!) is all about.
Kaleigha--I just anted to add that I love reading your blog for you. You could write about nothing at all, and I'd still read it. It's disheartening to read that anyone would go into debt to continue blogging--don't feel that pressure! I'm sure your readers (and me) would still read your blog even if you just wrote about paint drying.
It took a bit for me to stop trying to keep up with other people. I realized I don't have to post every day, but post when I feel like it. One blog that I really admire, she only posts one or twice a month.
If you're not feeling it, there's no shame in not posting. My favorite blogs are the ones where the blogger shows me his/her style and a peak into their lives. I get really turned off by the ones that buy without regard.
And of course, it's your blog, so feel free to post whatever you want! I come here to see Kramey Martin!
I'm a long time reader first time commenter. I'm really happy that you posted about this today because as a follower (not even a blogger) of many Anthro/Fashion blogs I've been feeling quite exhausted with all the frenzy to consume, buy, wake up early for Anthro, ebay etc. I especially loved your blog when you started, when it was about knowing you better, your wedding, new house, your husband and of course fashion. It was really enjoyable to read. It seems that buying, reviewing clothes, posting about sales etc is a common theme on the blogs and it's tiring. As a reader, I pretty much just scan through the posts now. With that said, you are fabulous and you are probably burnt out so taking a break or a step back to refresh body/mind/finances is sometimes necessary.
Kaleigha! Yes! Thank you! I was all about the daily posting some time ago but as it came down to it, I realized that I really couldn't be happy AND blog daily, so I cut back and whenever I'm not feeling up for it, I simply don't. And I know you're not even talking about spending FOR your blog or thinking about fashion too much FOR your blog. I often feel like, whether I had a blog or not, I'm unfortunately placing my projected happiness into an outfit. That's totally distressing! I started my blog as a lighthearted place for me to focus on something that isn't teaching middle school, and it's still that way. The problem is when my focus shifts too much to attaining more THINGS to make me happy and less on what I can do to make myself happier.
In short, I feel ya, and I LOVE coming here for y-o-u. If you ever want to email me, we can chat about this more. I think about it a whole lot.
ditto to what everyone else said. the clothes - great. but i want more content of how YOU are doing. writing should be therapeutic...not a chore!
I have not comment on your blog before but I think what you said today is so great. I read a lot of blogs because they are like little pictures into other peoples lives, not just their wardrobe. I too struggle with the temptation to buy clothes just to fix things so I understand how you feel. Thank you for your brave posting, it certainly made me think. I certainly love seeing your creations but I will definitely come back to just hear more about you.
Right On! Thanks for the honesty...and congrats on finding a church family! Brynne in Spokane
I read regularly and never comment. I first discovered the world that is Anthro/clothing blogs because I wanted to see how a certain item fit. And then it began. However, I read your blog because the kind of person shines through in the way you write. Many other blogs still are only to see an IRL picture, but the ones I really love reading are the people that I feel like I would have fun hanging out with.
I recently was able to rejoin the Anthro world through virtue of my first truly professional job. And I was a little starved to buy the clothing I had missed so much. I realized recently that just because I have extra money doesn't mean it should all go towards clothing...which it easily could with my love of Anthro. What I have done is make a list of 10 past items I hope to find on ebay or in Roxy's Trade Market, and 10 items I will wait for sale at Anthro. Anything not on that list had better be on third cut before I can even consider it. So far, it has helped. I didn't buy anything from the Big Sale, though did find two of my long coveted items. And I made myself remove clothing I am truly just hoarding and list it for others to enjoy. Love can turn into an obsession; and then you lose the original beauty of that feeling to begin with.
wow! *first* let me say you are AMAZING and beautiful!! :) *second* i think what you just said (in pouring your heart out) is what alot of us are feeling...we use clothes/fashion to fill the holes in our life that are boring/unhappy and *third* for myself i have learned having a balanced center (for me going to church, reading my bible, spending time with my family/friends, putting others before myself, having a hobby i enjoy, saving some money up, finding time for *me*, and rewarding myself with shopping...*anthro clothes* usually)
not saying this makes me happy all the time of course...but it makes my time feel more useful and worthwhile and i feel like a better person :) just mine 2 cents and i love that you feel free to share your heart with us! keep up the hard work...you rock! have a great day hun :0)
♥Meg
Good for you!! Everyone deserves to be loved and respected for who they are inside and not just what they wear, so kudos to you for baring your soul and letting us all know where you are at and what's really important to you. You deserve to be happy, and if clothes help that a bit, then great, but you certainly don't want them to make you unhappy! I think that all of your readers- including me- would love to continue to see your outfits (as you always look great), but if less outfits with a happier face are the result, then we are there for you!
I started reading Anthro blogs to while searching the fit of a dress. I've never posted here but my DH has told me that it's been fun to watch me change my style a bit and be more adventurous. It puts a spring in my step to express myself more through my clothes, but I too have to mindful of my spending because life is not always about being happy and sometimes it's easy to get caught up in the idea "something" will make us happier when it's really what's on the inside that allows the outside to express itself. So, finding that balance is not always easy but the awareness of this process assists us in our growth. Keep growing and being reasonable with yourself. Thanks you for sharing yourself and your style.
I love your writing, and the reason I come is not just the fashion. I love reading about your life too.
And I would like to add: Fashion blogs are a dime a dozen. Far more interesting is to watch someone try to find that balance of loving fashion and not breaking the bank trying to do so. How, as a conscious consumer, do you achieve a nice put-together look without going berserk on buying things all the time?
That is my struggle as well, and I would love to read how others find their way in dealing with it.
I do love seeing styled outfits, as it gives me ideas for what I could make work with what's in my closet. And I love that you pair more affordable pieces with "showcase" pieces from Anthro or J Crew, etc.
All this to say: Do whatever makes you happy, and you will find an audience who relishes in reading about your journey through life.
I loved this post. It's wonderful to see how honest you are being to yourself and your blog. I'd read whether you writing about fashion or anything else.
What great insight! It's funny, I just started a new Beth Moore bible study on Revelation yesterday and she challenged us to "let go of whatever we were clinging to" that would keep us from truly seeking God during the next ten weeks...my mind immediately went to clothes, shopping, blog reading...I love clothes and can stand in my closest for a ridiculous amount of time putting outfits together or just drooling over catalogs. There has to be a balance. I don't want my kids to remember me for my fashion sense, but rather for being a woman of God. Thanks for helping to remind me of that!
I started reading style blogs recently, and have since added yours to a list of ones that I check up on (now that I've discovered how much I like Anthro), and I think it's really great to see the honest side of blogs and bloggers- most people can't afford to wear something new everyday, and even if you could, it would be irresponsible both financially and as a consumer. A couple of the things that I've noticed in myself since starting to pay attention to blogs, is that while I feel like I have begun to express more of myself in what I wear and I like how I dress more, my spending habits have gotten bigger (those darn Tuesday sales at Anthro), even as I'm beginning to transition towards having to act more like an adult including trying to save money on a graduate student stipend. All this is to say that I appreciate the outfits that you put together as inspiration, but I also appreciate hearing more about responsible spending and developing a good relationship with clothes.
So proud of you. Your blog echoed my prayers. Your ultimate goal is to bring honor to Christ. Embrace the gifts he has given you but watch out for idols along the way.oop...am I not suppose to say this on public domain. Shoot :)
You're just a little bit of sunshine, no matter what you're writing about. I wish so much for you to be doing whatever it is that makes you happy. And if you haven't yet, finding a few girls just your size and sass with whom to swap new goodies to try so you can keep that nest egg growing. Paris awaits, and I have no doubt that you'll show us pics from there soon!
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