There are transitions in life that are just plain hard. Things that cause us pain that we can't really avoid.While it is so wonderful being married to and living with Taylor, who has pretty much been my "best friend" by all definitions for the last however long we've been together, I still feel very lonely and often like I'm lacking a whole lot of friends. We were sort of the first to really "move away," although it's only forty minutes or so, it feels like a long way away.
I miss the fifteen girls I spent everyday with in college (my teammates). I miss the van rides where sometimes you cracked jokes and sometimes you shared your secrets. I miss going into the room next door and knowing one of my very best friends will be in there. I miss having them ask me what to wear. I miss doing every one's hair for big events. I miss knowing that if I really needed to talk about something only a female would understand, there was someone there to listen. I miss commiserating about our bodily aches and pains.
I know our friendships were far from perfect, but they just felt so much closer than they do now, before 40 miles of I-5 separated us.
I've always struggled with female friendships. I grew up with brothers and I have a hard time relating to my female peers. I feel like I've never been a particularly great friend. I don't share well. I doubt that I appear emotionally accessible. I never did the dishes. Sometimes I think other people don't want to share things with me because I pretend like I'm perfect and have it all together. I usually don't tell people close to me the intimate details of my life unless I'm having a crisis. I have a very difficult time expressing how I really feel about people, I'm not a great small talker and I'm not the best at just going along with whatever everyone else is doing.
But I also think I have a lot to offer as a friend. I'm loyal to a fault, I care deeply about the people in my life, I'm a good gift-giver, a great shopping buddy and I love to work on projects. I REALLY want to connect to other people, I just have a hard time doing it. I've always wanted a bosom friend, for all you Anne of Green Gables fans out there, and though I have lots people I get along with smashingly, since I was little (hi Rach!) there's never been that one friend I could truly believe was "best." While I realize the idea of a "best" friend might be just as unrealistic as a "one true love," I still wish for it.
I really hope this post comes out right, and doesn't put blame on anyone, because I don't think that there is blame to place. I just want to express how hard it is when important relationships in your life transition and you don't know what to do with it. When you want to feel close to people and be in their lives, but you just don't know how.
6 comments:
I think this is something that a lot of women struggle with as we get older. I think you and I are close in age and I feel the same. Once you go out into the working world you no longer have the same group of "built-in" friends that you had in high school, college and on teams. Making friends is super difficult especially when there is so much going on and so many changes in such a small amount of time. I don't have any answers, but just wanted to say that I definitely commiserate!
I feel like we are thinking the exact same thing sometimes. Just this week I was missing two of my closest college friends and felt alone because they were hanging out in Portland together. Even though it was only a short distance away, I felt a world away and wanted to go back to the Fox dorms where everyone was in arms reach. Alas, I couldn't and realized that of course I am not alone (thanks to Sam!) and I will see my friends soon. But I completely relate to you when you talk about this transitioning time - it's hard! I know we just met, but if you ever need girl time or anything, just give me a call! We can make Salem the cool place to be :)
I think that's a really common feeling - I too crave the friendship of other women, but I also find myself closing up a bit when the chance comes up. I had some very, very special friendships growing up, and while it was a huge blessing, sometimes I feel like no one will understand me like that so why ever bother. But it's not the truth - I mean, look at how easy we can make friends through something like blogging. I think if you show even 10% of the thoughtfulness that you put out there with your writing, etc, you will have no problems in the friendship arena.
I totally relate. I grew up with 2 brothers and I had some really deep relationships in high school, but moving away and the demands of work make it so hard to maintain those relationships, let alone make new friends. I'm totally intimidated by the thought of baring my soul to someone I haven't known for years, and it seems that everyone else is more comfortable than I am. I don't really have answers, but I empathize and I'm thankful for your blog. Plus you have the cutest clothes - if I didn't live across the country, I'd want to be shopping buddies :)
Merry Christmas!
Women are sometimes hard to be friends with! Definitely not as easy as boys.
The feelings that get hurt so easily, the unmistakable competitiveness, the gossiping- it can wear a girl out.
But then there are nights when you really need a girl to talk to. Girl talks make up for all the bad stuff...almost. ;)
I'm really trying to be a better friend. Do you remember Kyla's post from a couple of months ago. She said something to the affect of, "We need more memories, not more coffee." This coming year I'm going to work on making more memories with my friends. :)
Hope you find your Diana!
I printed this post to read and finally got to it today! Slacker. It resonated with me a lot. I have two older brothers and have, for as long as I can remember, gotten along with guys so well. I've always felt like I've missed out on that one very best friend. The sad thing is that I have 10 or so friends that I call my best friends but some part of me has always felt like I missed out on that one BEST friend. That one that knows everything. so I'm hoping that that part of me that feels missing is what I'll find in a husband. Maybe.
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